How many times have you encountered a girl saying that looks doesn’t matters for her in selecting a guy. Chances are the girl is aged somewhere around 24-26 and is getting pressure from home to be married.
Well, don’t be fooled by this for this is utter non-sense.
Where did this sensible talk of girls go when they were during their late teens, just entering colleges – when making boyfriends and girlfriends was a social status symbol. If you are not currently in that age bracket, take yourself back a few years and remember what the preferences of girls were? Yeah Right! They wanted good looking handsome hunk guys as boyfriends with not even a second glance at the nerdy guys. They prefer fooling around with duds rather than being friends with sensible guys who probably will value a relationship more. Where all this does leads them? You guessed it right again – Nowhere!
By the time this realization comes they have come to the age of 24-26 where they look forward to marriage (or made to do so by parental pressures) and suddenly they realize life isn’t all about good looking cool dudes and making your girlfriend jealous and earning brownie points over your boyfriend(s). And then the statement comes – “Looks don’t matter to me!”
I recently debated the topic with a female friend of mine. She was flabbergasted at the blunt truth I put in front of her. She argued that with time girls mature and realize what true beauty means. Does it takes 5-6 years and failed relationship with 2-3 duds to get that realization? And what is this realization? Isn’t this that life cannot be spent on the basis of good looks but financial stability and sensibility which they figure out they will find out in the last known “nerdy” guys which have now become successful in their lives. Has now the definition of “beauty” changed to “money and success”? And not as if their attraction for good looking guys has ended. It’s just that the average successful guy is “average” looking – so pretty much not many options. I think argument against bitter truth is futile so she ended up saying she is not like that. Dare I disagree with a woman?!
To prove and strengthen my point I will request you to go through some of the entries of the Real Beauty Blogging Contest by Yahoo and Dove. 99.0% of the girls have written about how beauty is other than physical beauty. If only they meant it! Is this contest only about writing to win or was it meant for something more? Only a few posts like this dare to ask the question – if I may quote from the blog
“How many of you even talk to someone who is totally dark, fat, smelly and ugly? At least when you look at that person, for one minute you will have some opinion for that person. If you don’t have any work with him/her then you will probably not even try to strike a conversation.”
Point here is that why are girls not upfront about it? Why they have to disguise it? When a guy is upfront in saying that he likes good looking girls, the girl snorts at him saying- “Does external beauty only matters to you?” Here is the answer
“No Lady! We value the emotional bonding in the relationship as much as you do but we don’t mind telling the truth that yes we do appreciate physical beauty also. It is not the only or most important criteria in finding a girl but certainly a criterion for us. JUST LIKE YOUR’S. It’s just that you don’t say but we do. For us beauty is the whole package – right from the physical beauty to the emotional bonding, from the deep understanding to the sensuous touch – It’s everything!. Hope you just understand!”
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This article is a part of the IndiBlogger and Yahoo! India – Dove contest “What does real beauty mean to you?”
If you liked the article you can “Like” it or give your vote on IndiVine here. I certainly can make use of that cash prize ! Thanks all for understanding and reading my blog post.
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Updates:
This blog featured in Editor’s Choice – Blog Junta on 14th June 2011.
The views contained in this blog are personal to those of the author.
Deep from the soul 
Ah, I did participate in the end..reasons best known to me, so not very important 🙂
You are right..it’s better to be upfront about what do you think..for me too, it’s important that a guy looks decent if i have to go out with him or even talk to him for that matter..otherwise, he has to reach to a very very very good friend level for me to meet him 😉
I am no beauty myself, but I do have certain reservations and hell, it’s my wish after all!
Good luck for the contest..and thanks for the mention and link back!
Wow, well written! True most girls start dreaming of ‘good looking’ guys and end up with ‘successful’ ones regardless of the looks. For some reason, guys aren’t hypocrites here – they always prefer the good looking gals 😉
Glad to see you participated in the contest. I too have entered and one of my beauty definition does mention “The pretty girl or the handsome young man that walks past us…” but there’s much more to it. Do check it out – REAL BEAUTY IS REAL PEACE – at http://www.indiblogger.in/indipost.php?post=61353
And need I say – do vote / fb like my entry if u like it (u better do… hehe)
Hey Gaurav, this is regarding my earlier comment. Now I happened to open the link of my friend’s blog (not an indivine entry and nothing to do with real beauty) and your blog entry of the contest at almost the same time. I read thru your entire post and in the process forgot that it is not the blog of my friend. So while my comment is genuine, pls don’t mind the super casual lingo (u better vote etc etc) on the comment.
All de best!
Nice work. Girls do feel that if they say it is important for them, they would be counted superficial. But then, you cannot deny the first impression is the looks and will make a very lasting impression. So, anyone who judges another, will judge his looks first, if they meet face to face.
Anyways, a good post.
Cheerz!
DN
Oh boy so much angst and most of it is true too..Totally in support of you..
wow, you do have an agenda. but i do understand the point that women appear to be evolved but sometimes are as superficial (or even more so) than guys. Only i do think that with us its more about the sucess potential of a guy than his looks. To put it bluntly, he maybe ugly but he has to be (or have the potential to be) rich. cynical and sexist, but true!
@neha – So true. Everybody likes to meet good looking people and its only later that judgement are formed based on personality and other stuff. Looks come foremost. Such reservation are totally justified. Kudos to you for acknowledging it and standing out among the crowd.
@anuradha – Thanks for the cheerful reply. I will take it as a complement that my blog post engrossed you so much as to make you forget whose it was ;). As you rightly pointed, guys are less hypocrite about it but then they are made to feel as if it was bad to be true about what they feel.
@Durga – Thanks for your views. Superficiality never does any good and as you rightly said looks are the first thing to judge when you meet a new person. Everything else comes later on.
@JaaliEngineer – No angst buddy ! By virtue of good luck and God’s grace I have been blessed with good looks and have never faced such a situation but I do feel raged when I hear such statements which are just so thin in meaning.
@confusedyuppie – No agenda unless winning 1 lakh moolah from the contest is what you mean ;). Appreciate the acceptance that for girls success potential is or important. Nothing wrong in that- the only fact is the criterion comes in quite late.
Shabaash Launde! Very well-written.. truly “deep from the soul” kinda stuff.
Its pretty obvious that its looks which play the first criterion in attracting one person towards another. Looking at it purely from a scientific point of view, this stems from the basic instinct of choosing a mate who would produce the healthiest offspring. (Remember the movie Species?) This is the criteria basis which animals choose their mates and this plays a role (maybe sub-consciously) when humans choose their partners.
P.S. May I ask what prompted this blog 😀
@samir – thanks dude ! A scientific explanation to the whole process – something to think on – after all we are animals ain’t we ! 😉 Looks are important consciously or sub-consciously, and everybody knows it doesn’t lasts long.
The constant lies heard from girls about the choice criteria and the entries for this contest prompted me to write my 2 piece.
Bold;
nevertheless, haven’t many of us often wondered when we see hot girls with not so good looking guys and wondered “why is she with that guy?”?
Evolution plays a big role when it comes to finding a life partner or sexual partner. Males mark their territory and flaunt to get the best possible female. Best possible in this case being shapely, beautiful, sexually capable, fertile, etc. Females try to find a best possible male by process of elimination. Best possible in this case being strong, determined, one who can protect her, provide for her etc.
Boxing all girls to be shallow & less truthful and all men to be shallow & straightforward causes stereotypes. Women have always been discouraged to speak their mind especially when it comes to their sexual preferences so it is possible that they mask what they really think. But adolescence and immaturity almost always go hand in hand together. Male as well as female.
Flaunting assets and projecting as macho is no more or less of a hypocrisy than convincing oneself and others to believe that looks don’t matter.
This is a nice post Gaurav, though am not sure if I can agree 100%. Girls talk about beauty other than physical beauty much more than guys, agreed. On the contrary they prefer good-looking guys, cannot be agreed. The very fact that they accept (no matter at what age and because of what pressure) for a not so good-looking guy says that atleast they are capable to overlook looks at some phase of life. But then guys say aloud they want a beautiful princess and keep waiting for one. Arent girls better?
wow!! thats a very good post!!! well written…yea true..there are so many girls who go for good looking guys during college days and finally when it comes to marriage they come to conclusion “looks dont matter”!! well.. girls do accept that…during youth its normal for everyone(both guys and girls) to be fascinated by external looks!!! well those crazy crushes and infatuation are a part of growing up!!! be it for a boy or a girl….
the mere fact that when it comes to marriage girls dont go for looks itself says their true concept about beauty and life….well i think when it comes to marriage its not the concept about beauty that is revealed…everyone wishes for a happy peaceful life…and we look for the qualities in our partner that would go well with ours….its a totally different field i guess…
I second Shafeeq Valanchery. I’m not gonna disagree on what you say, but certainly on the generalization of the whole set of girls under that category that you’ve mentioned above. A majority would have been more appropriate!
Cheers!
Hemu
@sowmya – thanks for your comment and I truly appreciate your views. Let me first say that the idea behind this post is not to tout men/women as shallow. Yet its the two sided nature of women that amuses me. I have seen them flaunt “don’t care for looks” statement proudly and at the same time ridicule girls who end up with a not-so-good-looking guy with comments like “where did she find that langoor?”.
Don’t girls feel a tick when they see a more beautiful women go past them? Where did the whole idea about going past physical beauty to see the inner beauty go.
As you said males and females – fact that we are all mammals – look for the best in our different ways. we openly admit we are attracted by good looks. for you does that definition change with time? and if it does why say looks don’t matter …why not say “money, stability matters” – my point – either don’t smirk at a guy saying out his mind or yourself try speaking the truth.
@Nandhini – You agree with me to disagree :). Let me say upfront that I am not talking about “all” girls. I’ve met some really pretty girls who have fallen for a childhood sweetheart with no expectations of looks or financial stability in mind.
The argument here is not who is better than whom. Why be it that? Does expressing your feelings and wishing it inferior to bearing someone for more material reasons than looks. If guys search for princess, don’t girls search for their prince on a horse. You yourself say that they “accept” their options – does that makes them superior ? Maybe having more strength..yes..for that I have always admired women. They can take pressure & pain with much more strength than men. Kudos for that !
@shafeeq – exactly ! we do think that and we say it aloud. Is being impressed by looks bad? Is being attracted by looks bad? Girls also think the same but they say it aloud only to a few – for the rest the truth is hidden behind multiples coatings of disguise. As for girls being seen with “not-so good looking” guys, how many of them do you think are long relationships since school/college days?
I am not saying that its a general phenomenon- I am saying its there to a large extent.
@cindrella – you summed up my post and I believe truly understand it. 🙂 Maybe views change, perceptions change but then what’s bad in admitting that they were important at some point and why blame a person for whom those views still haven’t changed. Thanks for reading and the comment !
@Hema – Thanks for the read. Let me clear that the blog post doesn’t points to the universal set of women. It’s not “all”. But as you yourself admitted – “majority” is the word and I intend that only.
Flabbergasted too!! 😀
quite true.. Nice read 🙂
As someone who is short and fact, and has considered himself ugly for most of the life, I can totally relate to your post mate. Though I have an awesome life, and am honest to the bone, but I don’t think any lady has ever given me a second look. That said, I am closing on 29 however I am hopeful, that I would land up a Ms. Right eventually..
Um, excuse me, but I am highly offended by your post. Clearly, you have been rejected by girls many a times, to form this opinion.
And what about the fact that guys dream about landing a hot chic or at least a pretty girl. Why is it always that the girl is shown as the shallow one?
Honestly, whats wrong with girls in their late teens dreaming about ending up with handsome, successful guys – GOOD HEAVENS! it as if you’ve never heard of HORMONES. And there is no “realization” as you put it, heart of heart we all know that looks don’t matter much – but it is pleasant on the yes.
And we all know, that we’re MOSTLY not going to end up marrying who we date in college – might as well, try and get some piece of eye candy! – its not just girls, GUYS do this too.
Gaurav, I agree with Hema.. BEautiful post.. here is a heart expressing what does true beauty means
Someone is Special
@Red Headed – I hope you understood the essence. Such topics generally attract negative judgement and criticism easily :). Thanks for reading !
@rachit – Thanks !
@shashank – Even though I cannot relate to the injustice you mentioned but good to know that you are proud of having an awesome life despite the ignorance from the other sex. All the best for finding Ms. Right.
@plumbum – Truth Bites. Bitter Truth Offends !
If you are not the types who dumped guys because of their looks during your teen years and ultimately ended up with a guy because of stability reasons, I see no reason for being offended – for my posts doesn’t categorizes all females, it doesn’t says by choosing looks a person becomes shallow. Guys may “run” after beauty – not a single guy denies that and we honestly say it. On the contrary such expressions make girls judge us as being hollow. Absolutely nothing wrong with choosing/desiring for a good looking person – why not – you are gonna spend entire life with him/her. If it is not wrong why not admit it. Why blind those around by saying “Looks don’t matter” just because it is nice to say and makes you feel superior.
As for me, by God’s grace I am blessed with good looks, career and finances and have had my share of acceptances and rejections too. But this post is not about being personal, its about the ugliness that’s all around the word “beauty”.
@Someone is Special – Thanks. On to your post right away ! 🙂
For the curious souls – here is a link to similar question and answers posted on yahoo. Enjoy reading views of multiple people across geographies
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20110421110550AA9B36t
lol, your reply, made me much calmer 😛 I’m guessing this was for that dove real beauty thing, this was mine – it has no head nor tail 😛 – http://musambi.wordpress.com/2011/05/26/he-is-a-god/
@plumbum
nice to see the calmer you ! you become so sweet when calm 🙂
I read your entry. Amusing that you feel sorry for men. Should men get offended now :P. Our posts do agree to disagree with so much “beauty” around the topic and call for reality check !
You say that the idea of the post is not to tout men/women as shallow. I agree. Looks like the idea is to say that women are more shallow than men. That, I disagree.
“Yet its the two sided nature of women that amuses me”. My question is not to argue that women are not two sided, but that men are no less shallow or two sided than women. I don’t think men are as straightforward or one-faced as you think. At least not any more than women. Situations and experiences shape people differently. Men as well as women.
It’s not only that fat, bald or short men that are single or lonely, but many fat, short, dark women too. You argue that men are at least straightforward and declare that beauty matters while women secretly harbor the need for a handsome man and say otherwise. Agreed. But haven’t we all seen men that agree to marry a woman that is ugly in their terms or handicapped just because a nice chunk of dowry is offered? That does look like two-faced to me.
Beauty is at first external. Our preferences are shaped from childhood and it is not cruel to expect certain features or color in a life partner. What is cruel is to be biased and treat people differently based on the sole reason of looks and color. With age and experience, people learn to see inner beauty rather than external as a judging factor. Some never learn.
@sowmya – It seems to me that we are on the same side of coin yet trying to beat the opposite ends.
The post never talks about the shallowness (more or less) of any gender. You agree that it is not cruel to expect certain features in partner. I say that too. I further add that what’s the harm in being upfront about it and what’s the need to ridicule those who are and label “them” as shallow.
I do not deny that there are examples of guys who ended up with girls for reason’s other than beauty but have you listened them telling that they did it for the beauty of the girl. I don’t think so. If I am then I would be happy to extend the blog post to those men also.
I guess Its about getting maturity with the time and with the age. For an instance in my teens I used to think that I should neva get into the relationship, its bad thing but now I dont think that way. What I feel and believe might not be what I will feel and believe tomorrow; I am open for learning and absolutely flexible with my thoughts.
I am sure the guys, (dudes of your post) did get this maturity and they did something serious for their living than roaming with chicks; I am sure nerds are not the only people successful on this earth.
@Sneh – Agreed ! Maturity comes with time. But that maturity should be reflected both in words and deeds. I don’t say nerds are the only one successful; I say they are the one neglected due to the sheer look factor initially and most sought after due to ‘success’ factor afterwards. I again go on to say that using “maturity” as the logic that it is not wrong, but please don’t go to the extent of insulting the guy and saying it to him that you selected him because looks don’t matter to you ! What kind of maturity is that ? Isn’t that plain simple manipulation that’s evident.
Will a very bad looking but very successful nerd marry a pathetic looking girl? Even he will try to balance his success with beauty.
One more thing, you said your article is not gender biased but the title itself showcase the purpose. otherwise it should have been “when we say looks don’t matter”
If boys are so frustrated with this attitude of girls then they should not marry any goodlooking girl 🙂 wat say?
@Sneh – Whom to marry is a personal choice but most certainly he will be upfront that he got charmed by the beauty of the girl and will treat her the princess that she is. In a reverse situation will the woman say “I am charmed by your success and hence I will marry you”?
I didn’t say my articles is gender biased – It is against the hypocrisy shown by women. I said it is not targeted at all women. But why should that be made specific. When you girls say “Guys are dogs/bad/rascals/insensitive etc etc” you don’t add a “except” clause. You generalize all men. And so be it for women too.
And trust me no men prefers a women with such attitude and fakeness. Saw as a comment in some blog – “Loss of respect towards women doesn’t happens in a spur of moment…it’s a gradual process instigated by the attitude of women towards men”
Coming back to the topic – I agitate against the falseness associated with the interpretation of “beauty”. Men are more upfront about it than women. And lot of women agree with me on that too as evident from the comments.
Dear Blogjunta,
This post of yours is featured at Blogjunta Editor’s choice. Congratulations!!
Visit http://www.blogjunta.com to see the Editor’s Choice for June 14th.
Drop a mail to editor@blogjunta.com / blogjunta@gmail.com to claim your Editor’s choice badge.
Dear Gaurav,
This post of yours is featured at Blogjunta Editor’s choice. Congratulations!!
Visit http://www.blogjunta.com to see the Editor’s Choice for June 14th.
Drop a mail to editor@blogjunta.com / blogjunta@gmail.com to claim your Editor’s choice badge.
\m/ peace…u sound frustrated. btw which category you are in? Nerd or Dude?
@blogjunta – thanks ! will definitely love to have the badge 🙂
@sneh – I am not frustrated…simply perturbed by the fact that you are not understanding the blog at all and simply going off the track in the discussion possibly by ego driver or excess of feminism.
It would be wise if we do not get personal and/or ask personal questions.
Keep reading !
Formidable ..seems complete Phd on girls 😛
@pallavi – lol…’girls’ is a tough subject..PhD is way beyond me 😛
Its ohk try n try wins d game….:P
@pallavi – it’s a never ending game…that’s the fun element actually – the mysteries unsolved… both ways !
“POISON PILL!” GULP….. VERY TRUE BHAIYA 🙂
@nitu – i think there has been a case of mistaken identity 🙂 thanks for the read though !
Hey there. Interesting post. 🙂 But yeah, here’s my take.
I believe that maturity does have something to do with age, but not necessarily always. Age is just a number. Connecting that and maturity is not a very foolproof theory. In other words, there are exceptions. Also. Beauty is something that comes from the inside. What’s on the inside is naturally reflected outside. Take for instance, a girl might see a hot guy. But when she probably tries to talk to him, he might completely put her off and she could lose interest and walk away. So sure, good looks do matter in terms of initial attraction for certain people, but it finally comes down to personality and maturity. Sure, society pressurizes girls to get boyfriends and they end up choosing ‘duds’ as you call it, but it’s based on whether the girl gives in to this pressure. And not every girl does. And even if it takes dating 2-3 duds and 3-4 years to realise looks don’t matter, so be it. Mistakes teach you some beautiful things. And that’s how life rolls. 🙂
Oh and by the way, I’m 17 and a half yrs old and I’m a girl. And I can honestly say, looks don’t matter. And although I was pressurised and am still being pressurised to get into relationships, I never let that get to me. I’d rather stick to my guns and make wise choices, than date a dud because society pushed me to. And no, I’m not an outcast anywhere. People respect my choices and like me for who I am. So there you go. 🙂
I am in the seventh grade and all these girls are looking forward to dating. They all wear make up, mini shorts, high heels, and straighten their hair 24-7. Looking good is all that matters to them. They want a boy friend, and are really girly. I on the other hand take my time, growing up. I’M ONLY 12! I don’t need to prove that I am soooooo “cool” by putting on 10 pounds of make-up and asking every guy out. Obviously I dress presentable but not, to try to put on a show and make some guys hormones rage. Girl’s really do need to get over them selves sometimes. It really makes me disgusted to be a girl sometimes, by watching all the other ones. Every female in my school is so afraid to get their hands dirty, and can’t live with out a phone. I on the other hand LOVE to fish, camp, get dirty, arts and crafts, shooting targets and all that non-sense. I’m not trying to be rude to the girls who are like this but, I will have the strength to tell it like it is.
@divya – first of all thanks for the read ! 🙂 it’s interesting to know a viewpoint that though supports my post yet opposes it in a unique way. There are girls like you who believe in choosing the right and not dating the duds but as you said it is an “exception”. My point exactly ! There are wise girls out there – many which have commented above are those, my post only aims at the majority who fall way far from these exceptions. Somehow I feel dating 2-3 duds to get something better an excuse rather than an experience – but if that’s the case then that has to be admitted as one rather than as an act of confused/immature state of mind. Keep reading and letting me know your views 🙂
@jolly – seventh grade and blogging ! hats off !! i have a cousin in 9th grade and i cannot even imagine her thinking about dating at such a tender age and hence can understand your rage. I admire your courage at this young age to admit that life has lot more to explore than just dating. Just do what your heart says without any peer pressure ! Keep reading! 🙂
I used to go to school with Jolly. She was a grade ahead, and she would tell me all of these horror stories about sixth grade girls dating and all this drama! It was actually kind of interesting to listen to because the way she told the stories, all of the girls sounded deranged. Haha! But I fully agree with Jolly! Love the post! 🙂
😀
I haven’t read all replies…regarding the original post…
I heard girls say looks don’t matter much literally but from their body language, instant reaction and voice I used to know they don’t mean it. But as far as i know girls are far less shallow compared to boys and that has to be related to the fact that men has more spatial intelligence and women has more verbal intelligence in general. I have seen guys(my friends) whose spatial intelligence dominates used to be ridiculously shallow.
I am so so regarding looks yet I get some positive responses from angel like girls once they know me.
With real confidence,cool enjoying the life kind of attitude (funny) and certain social esteem you can get any girl. regarding looks… energetic healthy looking (thick hair,thick eyebrows,average weight, energetic eyes….)is enough.
i believe girls are less shallow than they think they are.
anyone agree or disagree….
@CB – thanks for the read 🙂 and I agree with both of you.
@sakthi – Being shallow is I think a personal trait and is think lot to do with the environment one is raised than the gender. And I do agree with your point that girls take interest in “so-so” looking guys..point is how many such girls are there …and if they really don’t care about the looks why pretend they do and vice versa.
thanks for the read 🙂 !
Ha ha 😀 well written. I would beg to differ. “Looks don’t matter” applied even when I was in early teens and when I entered college. Of course good looking guys are a pleasure to look at 😉 but somehow looks never raised the feeling of attraction in my heart. I am just unable to like/dislike a guy until i have talked to him..then everything changes..intellect, eloquence, fun-spirit are the game changers definitely!!
Priyanshi – Thanks for reading. As I mentioned in the post, its generalist not personal :). I do agree that looks is a criteria when in teen for good things are always pleasurable to eyes, however for those whom the perception doesn’t change till later should accept it as it is and the society should’t ridicule those who feel that way. Unfortunately both happens from the girl’s side and if a guy says so he is classified as shallow. And i totally agree with you, looks are not the only thing; intellect and fun spirit matters for both guys and girls.
It’s not just guys. Girls seem to look at other girls who they think are more attractive with jealousy. I just wish we all spent a little more time focusing on more important things like personality and originality. I wrote about it a bit over on my blog as well.
http://www.alinktothematt.com/2013/12/11/makeup-vs-no-makeup/
@matt – true ! I agree with your blogpost, no makeup enhances the natural beauty.